I'm now thoroughly convinced that my job has exposed me to a whole new level of human stupidity that I didn't even know was possible.

For those of you who don't have a Kohl's, the store basically exists for the sole purpose of overloading its customers with coupons. Yesterday they sent out the ones for the sale that starts on Wednesday. I know this because my mom got one. However, my mom was smart and realized that since she still has coupons that are good for this week, that one must be for next week. In fact, printed RIGHT THERE on the coupon is the date it can start being redeemed: July 15. Today's date? July 11th. Apparently though the calendar isn't convincing enough for most Kohl's customers.

You don't even know how many people I had to argue with about how I couldn't give them 30% off because the only coupon we had out now was for 15%. You'd think they'd be happy just because I was offering the 15%- I could've just been bitchy and told them they get nothing because they didn't bring in their own 15% off coupon. But no. So the lines went on forever and I never even got a moment to breathe because these people kept holding everything up by being stupid.

The worst was this one guy... for next week's coupon, you have to use your Kohl's charge. So he hands me next week's and his card. I say, "This doesn't start until July 15th, I'm sorry," and he goes "Not as sorry as I am." I gave him the 15% off anyway, and then he gives me his Kohl's charge. I scan it and tell him to sign at the pad. He then goes "So I really don't have to pay with that card then." I say, "Well I already scanned it, so you already did." And he goes "I want to pay with another card." I repeat, "I already scanned the card, it's done." And he still goes "I don't want it on that card!" So I know exactly what he has to do now... sign, then go to customer service, return everything, and re-purchase it. That's the ONLY thing the store's system will let me do. But I know he'd probably punch me in the face if I said that, so I called the manager to have him say the exact same thing. What does this asshole do when I tell him he has to go to customer service? He says, "Forget it, that's too much of my precious time to walk back there." PRECIOUS TIME???? Really?? Something tells me the real issue is that you're too lazy to drag your ass back there.

So he looks like he's going walk away. I say, "Well, you still have to sign for it, at this stage I can't void the transaction." (which I'd already told him 15 times) And he's like "No, forget it." I go, "You HAVE to sign! I can't just leave the signature screen up all day, I won't be able to ring anyone else up." So finally he says "What do you need, a signature?" "YES!!!!!!!!" So finally he signs and leaves. Good riddance. But seriously, how can you be so stupid to A) Not check the date that the sale starts, and then B) Hand the teller a card that you don't want to use???? Dumbass.

Hey check it out, Tim Burton directed an episode of "Cheaters" 97 years ago!



(Obviously I'm joking, but that's the basic description. I find the weirdest things on YouTube.)

I just laughed so hard at this...



I need to watch Nacho Libre again. The only part I really remember well is "Secret Tunnels!" because me and my brother have an ongoing inside joke about it. :P

Okay so totally random question here... I'm finally getting some days off from work, so I'm going to pick up where I left off on the House/Family Guy spoof thing I'm making. Trouble is, there are certain things I can't think of the perfect clip for.

For example, I know there's a moment in a season one episode of House where House and Wilson are in House's office, at night, and House turns around, slams down his cane in anger, and yells at Wilson. But I have noooooo idea what episode it was in or the dialouge and googling hasn't helped at all. So my question is, do any of you know? Or do you know of any moment at all where it's a really good shot of House yelling?

And also, was the episode where House made a dominoes chain with his CDs "The Mistake"? I'm not sure. I have like 30 eps on my computer that I have to re-watch to make sure I know all the clips I can possibly use, so I haven't checked on that... but if it's not the ep, please tell me so I can download the right one!

Thanks :P

So I had to TiVo the Michael Jackson Memorial because I was working yesterday, but I just watched it, and at the beginning when they rolled in the casket I couldn't help but thinking...

Wouldn't it be awesome if he faked his death and had this whole tribute thing planned so that he could jump out of the casket like "Hoooo!" and then just perform?? That would be amazing. Yeah everyone would probably be pissed off/scared shitless for a few seconds, but can you imagine? lol.

My other major thought is that this probably marks the last time that MTV will ever do anything music-oriented. The veejays with the old microphones fumbling around for things to say, flashback videos/commercials, etc... things we haven't seen on that channel in at least 15 years. I almost want to dig out a VCR tape, figure out how to transfer tivo to it, and save it, just because it's the last thing around that's like those old MTV moments people would have taped. If I'd been alive in the 80s to tape original MTV stuff, it could be a great bookend. You know there's basically no other celebrity that they'll do something on this scale for when they die.

Sigh... how come whenever anyone else messes up at work, the asshole manager isn't there??? I make a mistake due to the computer having a stupid and confusing method of taking gift certificates, and he gets all pissed off and literally starts watching me like a hawk. He's commented on random transactions I've made, which I know means that he's reviewing them all on his computer to make sure I don't screw something else up.

Meanwhile today, when the other manager is there, the cashier working next to me is trying to sign some girl up for a Kohl's charge. The girl however uses her mother's debit card on the application, meaning the name and the credit score that the computer registers aren't hers. So she's like "oh I didn't know, you can just void the application." But no, the lady WANTS to get it done even with the wrong card... so she calls corporate and asks them all these questions about what she can do. The girl is going "Just void it... you can cancel it..." like every five seconds, so obviously she doesn't want you to "fight" for this application, so STOP it. Plus now the line is backing up because I'm the only cashier that's actually doing anything.

So anyway, she finally cancels the application and hands the girl all of the merchandise in a bag, but apparently never voided or finalized the transaction. And since the girl had to swipe her debit card to apply, she thinks she's already paid. And so the lady takes the next person in line as the girl walks out. THEN this idiot actually decides to look at the screen and goes "Oh wait! Come back!!" The girl is out the door already though, so she goes "SOMEBODY GET THAT GIRL!!!!!!" load enough for the whole store to hear, then runs to the door shouting "THE GIRL IN THE GREEN!!!!!" So everyone in line looks at me like "WTF?" And I have to explain that the other casher never finalized the transaction.

So the cashier comes back without the girl, which confuses everyone even more. They're like "Shouldn't you call security?" And she's just like "Oh I got someone, I just need the girl!" Huh?? So the girl comes back and the lady acts like it wasn't her fault at all, saying "You gotta pay for it, honey." And the girl says "Well you handed me all the stuff and I was confused." Which I would've been too with the way that went, and I work there! So she finally pays and leaves. And what does this idiot employee get for announcing that she enabled some girl to shoplift to the whole store? A big fat NOTHING. What do I get for taking two gift cards that we don't actually accept because the computer told me that we do and because I wasn't trained properly???? Tons of reprimands, every day, a permanent spot on my manager's bad side, and multiple employees watching what I do like a hawk and treating me like I don't even know how the scanner works.

It's not fair at all, and it fucking sucks.

So, I was checking IMDb's trivia page for Up to see what things from previous movies Pixar hid in it... and I came across this. It's probably one of the saddest stories I've ever read... but also kind of interesting that you can say any random name into Pixar's phone and probably get an answer.

"On Dec. 23, 2005, young Colby Curtin was diagnosed with vascular cancer, after doctors found a tumor in her liver. On April 28th, 2009, at the age of ten, her parents took her to see Monsters vs Aliens (2009). She was most impressed with the preview to "Up", saying "I have to see that movie. It is so cool." Two days later, Colby's health began to worsen. On June 4th, her mother Lisa asked a hospice company to bring a wheelchair for Colby so she could visit a theater to see "Up." However, the weekend went by and the wheelchair was not delivered. Unfortunately, Colby was now too sick to leave home and her family feared she would die without seeing the film. A family friend named Terrell Orum-Moore, who desperately wanted Colby to get her last wish, began to cold-call Pixar and Disney to see if someone could help. Pixar has an automated telephone answering system, Orum-Moore said, and unless she had a name of a specific person she wanted to speak to, she could not get through. Orum-Moore guessed a name, and the computer system transferred her to someone who could help, she said. Pixar officials listened to Colby's story and agreed to send someone to Colby's house the next day with a DVD of "Up". Lisa Curtin asked her daughter, "Do you think you can hang on?". "I'm ready (to die), but I'm going to wait for the movie," the girl replied. The company flew an employee with the "Up" DVD, which was still only in theaters, to the Curtin's home on June 10 for a private viewing. He had a bag of stuffed animals of characters in the movie and a movie poster. He shared some quirky background details of the movie, and the group settled in to watch "Up". Colby couldn't see the screen because the pain kept her eyes closed, so her mother gave her a play-by-play of the film. At the end of the film, Lisa if her daughter enjoyed the movie, and Colby nodded yes. Lisa Curtin described the Pixar employee, saying "He couldn't have been nicer. His eyes were just welled up." Of the film, she remarked, "When I watched it, I had really no idea about the content of the theme of the movie. I just know that word 'Up' and all of the balloons and I swear to you, for me it meant that (Colby) was going to go up. Up to heaven." Seven hours after viewing the film, Colby passed away with her parents at her side. Pixar officials declined to comment on the story or name the employees involved."

One semi-good thing about my job is I get to post my own original "Dumb Criminals" stories. They're obviously not as funny as all the bank robbery ones... but that's kind of good, because it means no one's holding me at gunpoint! (or as in the case of most "dumb criminal" stories, water gun, hairbrush, or hand under your shirt-point) Anyway...

Lesson 1: If you're going to fake the price of something, make sure it's not horribly unrealistic!
Guy comes up to my register today with a suitcase. I do the routine scan it and look inside to make sure he's not hiding merchandise in there. I notice he's getting money ready as I'm doing this, so I look at the total. It says $3.99. Now you tell me, what standard-size rolling luggage piece sells for $3.99, even on clearance??? The lowest I've ever seen is $20-something. Even worse, the computer registered the barcode as "Dinnerware - $3.99" Like anyone's actually going to look at that and go "Okay, $3.99 please!"?? So I delete the item and scan it again, just to make sure it wasn't a glitch... nope, still says dinnerware. The guy peeled a barcode sticker off a dish or something and put it over the suitcase barcode. So I peel the sticker back and scan the actual suitcase barcode - it's $199.99. Yeah. You see how ridiculous that was? So he's just like "Oh... I'll go get the other one." And takes that suitcase back to the luggage section of the store. No surprise, he never came back to my register.

But seriously, pick a price that sounds reasonable and you might actually get away with it! $59.99, I probably wouldn't even bat an eyelash, I'd assume it was on clearance. And you'd still be getting it for about $140 cheaper. But no, people have to try and pay as little as possible. I just don't know how anyone could think that a cashier would actually believe that a $3.99 dish is the correct price for a suitcase.

Today I:

Shorted my store of $50
Enabled some old guy to steal a wheelchair
Pissed off my manager due to the above two things
Went home and had my parents yell at me because I was worrying about getting fired/penalized
Broke one of my mom's vases

It sucked.

I've watched this probably a hundred times and I still find it funny. There's nothing amazing about it... I just thought I'd share in case anyone needs a little cheering up.

My friend and I are having a discussion about the possibility (not seriously but more like a "what if") of River Tam (NOT River Song) being Romana III. It actually works pretty well... the only problem in connecting the two shows' storylines would be explaining Simon... my friend suggested a brainwashed companion, which is the only thing I can think of that would still fit with their closeness in Firefly. But I dunno. I'm guessing though that if I look around, this idea has probably already been made into like a 20-chapter fanfic or something. Especially since FanFiction.net has a crossover cateogry now. And a prior existence of said fanfic would be good, because I've seen so few Doctor Who episodes with Romana that if I attempted one it would turn out horrible... lol.

Today's beach visit went well. We timed it perfectly, since it was sunny the whole time we were there and started to rain once we got home! My aunt, uncle, and cousins came down to visit us, and they brought a friend who's visiting from Spain. And then while we were on the beach, my cousin Tommy randomly found two of his college friends walking around. So we hung out with them too. lol. My cousins seem to find people they know everywhere, even in foreign countries... Example, I only ever went skiing once, but when I was there I randomly ran into them in the lodge. It was so weird.

So anyway, we spent most of the time in the water, trying to figure out how to body surf. And of course we were being silly. Tommy had this theory that while the wave was building, you had to yell "Humunga-Dunga!" before you turned around, and then it would be a good wave. So we were all looking like idiots shouting "Humunga-Dunga!!!!" every 30 seconds. lol. And then when we got out Tommy told me this random but hilarious story that when Mr. Rodgers died, he apparently came to school dressed exactly like him and refused to change out of the outfit for gym. He was joking of course, but his teacher thought he showed such strength to not be embarassed about his love of Mr. Rodgers or something that he gave him an A for the quarter. It was EPIC lol. Then I said what if he was still in school when Michael Jackson died, and he came in dressed all in sequins and stuff... :P And after that we asked their friend if Mr. Rodgers existed in Spain, and she didn't know who he was, so we were all on the beach singing "It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood..." :P

Then we went down to the boardwalk, where I had literally the BEST PIZZA EVER. Which was weird because it was from some place where my mom and I had crappy pasta one time, so I said we should just walk further to Mack n' Manco's, but everyone was hungry so we just got it... and it was amazing. Of course, it's the first solid food I've been able to eat in a week, so that might affect the taste. But anyway, then we played mini golf, and when we came to the "free game" hole, Tommy watched some other people try it and said "That's so hard. It's impossible." Then he lined up his shot, said "I'm not gonna get it..." and won a free game. lol. The rest of us sucked as usual. But still it was a really fun day. Usually when it's just me and my mom it's not. So I hope they come back down again. They were all like "This is fun, we should do this more over the summer..." And they only live in Princeton so they totally can.

Got some sunburn though, but not too bad. I'm just glad that it all worked out so well, especially since it's been raining for about two months straight up until now. Though, I think my brother's having a slightly better time. He's in Denver for a video game competition, since the one he designed for his school got second place in the state contest. And he sent me a text message that the team (just him and one other kid) has a hotel room with "a living room with a couch, chairs and a huge plasma tv, a hallway to a bedroom with 2 queen sized beds, and another huge tv. And we're on the corner of the building so every wall not adjoined with the hotel has full sized windows." I'm pretty jealous. That and he's walking around a major city at 16, totally unsupervised. Can't win 'em all I guess...

Would've had this up earlier but my power randomly went out and my answering machine made all these possessed clicky noises... which was really fun to sit through in a dark room at midnight by myself after my dad had watched a NatGeo special on ghosts today... lol.

Anyway, from the deep, perverted recesses of my mind, I now present to you...



And just in case you don't know anything about this song, know that the video is really dirty (well, depending on your own definition. I'm just being safe). So if you don't want to think of Doctor Who in that way, don't watch!

I think I forgot to treat you all to this piece of hilarity... (of course, I'm too lazy to actually check back through my recent entries, so if I did indeed post it already, then enjoy it again!)



So I'm going back to work today. I hope they don't give me a crazy schedule for the upcoming week to make up the hours I missed. Especially since I've been planning this big beach day tomorrow for a long time...

But in the meantime, since I don't start work until 4:15 today (I know, what a weird time), I'm going to make a Doctor Who version of Jizz in My Pants. I just can't resist... I mean, no one's made one yet, and the whole "while the angels cry" thing... it's just perfect. It NEEDS to be made. So, I'm answering the call. Hopefully it'll be up by tomorrow, monday at the latest. ;)

So, my dad is notoriously stingy about turning the air conditioning on. And it's super oppressively hot today. You'd think he'd be sympathetic to me because I'm still recovering, and not want me to suffer further, but no. So me and my mom have been pointing out various reasons why the air conditioning should be turned on all day. Nothing. So, I went to one method that always seems to work...

As some of you may know, I have a pudgy body which makes it rather unwise for me to wear anything tight, sleeveless, extremely short, etc. But last time my dad did this, I put on a tank top and short shorts because they were the only things I had that made the heat somewhat tolerable. As soon as I walked downstairs my dad said "Okay, you've convinced me." My mom keeps telling me it had nothing to do with him thinking I look disgusting, but I say otherwise. And I was basically proven right today when I did the exact same think and all of a sudden he started walking around the house closing windows. lol.

In less random news, I seem way better today. My face is almost back to normal size, and my queasiness is gone. As of now, I'm going to try and go to work tomorrow. No idea what I'm going to bring to eat on my break though, because I still can't chew. The only thing I can think of is brining one of those Slim-Fast shakes, but they taste gross. So, I dunno. Tuna salad maybe? I hope I'm able to chew soon, as I'm getting reeeeaally tired of eating jello, pudding, and smoothies for every meal. And because I've done nothing but watch TV for the past few days, and keep seeing Chili's commercials and stuff for things that I really want to eat.

And the thing I thought was weird is that even though I was watching regular network tv when Michael Jackson died, there was no breaking news message or anything. And since I didn't have my computer on, I didn't find out about it for a few hours. It's so weird... this is like the first "giant" star's death that I'm getting to see firsthand. I always read accounts of Freddie Mercury's death in 1991, how the radio stations were playing only Queen, people had pulled over their cars and were crying... and I always felt kind of sad that I was too young to take part in that, or even know who Freddie Mercury was for that matter. Now I get to witness something like that firsthand. Although I was rather disappointed when I flipped through the radio stations last night and only one was playing Michael Jackson. According to the news almost all of the ones broadcasting from Philly are playing his music 24/7, but I'm too far down the shore to get any of those stations. Still, I can't believe that even channels like Vh-1 aren't showing Jackson specials. Instead they're doing their jumped-the-gun-by-two-years "I Love The New Millennium." Sheesh. It's just a very weird atmosphere, because looking at MJ's later life by itself, I think people are kind of relieved that all that weirdness gets laid to rest, but if you look back at Billie Jean and Thriller and the Jackson 5, it's unbelieveable to think of the legend that's been lost.

Edit: Though, if you think about it, the fact that he's dying so young means that he will be probably about 100x more famous, and for much longer, than he would be if he'd died at 80 or something. I mean, just look at Elvis. It's like a stamp of success almost in rock and roll, you reach a new level of legend when you die young. So, if you consider how famous Michael Jackson was, you know that he obviously deserves the "legend" status... I know it sounds like I'm saying "yeah he should've died," but really I mean it more as a sort of comfort for the people who are mourning that he died before his time.

Well, I had to miss work today because I threw up five times this morning. I guess I had too many pills in me or something. Of course, the doctor never called us back when my mom called the office, so I'm not totally sure what caused it. Who knew wisdom teeth removal was this hard to endure recovering from? I'm feeling better tonight, but still a little queasy, and I've also already called out so I'm not working tomorrow either. I just hope I get better soon.

Owwwwwwwwwww.

My mom insisted that I get my wisdom teeth taken out this summer, so if I do go abroad there won't be any chance of them coming in when I can't do anything about it. So, yesterday I sat in an oral surgeon's chair for half an hour while they poked and prodded with no success in finding my veins. And then they didn't even put a band-aid over two of the failed spots. So, post-op, I now look like a heroin addict with bruises and scabs on both arms. And my face looks like I've gained 50 pounds... I keep ice on both cheeks almost constantly, but yet they keeps swelling. And to top it off, apparently when I got my appendix out they gave me anti-nausea medicine afterwards, so I had no idea that anesthesia makes me really, really queasy. So for the last two days I've been lying on the couch, puffy, bruised, barely able to open my mouth, unable to chew even soft solid foods, trying not to throw up, and in extreme pain. They gave me the same pain pills as when I was sent home after I got my appendix out, but when that happened, I had already had ten days in the hospital to recover. I barely needed pain medicine. Plus the stuff's part ibuprofen, which I've built up a good tolerance to from taking Advil every month for cramps. So yeah, the medicine doesn't seem like it's doing a damn thing. My mom's friend's daughter got her wisdom teeth out on the same day, but somehow she lucked out and got Vicodin. I'm soooo jealous.

And to top all of this off? I'm supposed to go back to work tomorrow. The doctor assured me that after a 24 hour recovery period, I'd be fine. I don't think that's going to happen any time soon. And I'm supposed to work for the next three days in a row. Yeah it would be nice to get the days off, but I just got this job, and I really don't want to screw it up so soon. Especially since just three days ago they were considering me one of the best new employees they have.

Owwwwwwwwwwww fuck my life. :(

Wow... I never realized how perfect Frodo's facial expressions were for this...

Things I have learned this week at work:

Apparently I'm doing really well for a new associate at signing up people for credit cards. (Really it's because of the sale we just had where they get 30% off if they do. But I'm not complaining because all this month we get $1.00 added to our paychecks for every person we sign up, instead of the usual 50 cents. So that's $11.00 extra for me so far.)

I look old enough to drink in a bar. (More specifically, in my mid-twenties)

I sound like Ashley Judd.

Oh the fascinating world of retail...

Nothing is sacred...
The ceremony sinks
Innocence is drowned in anarchy.
The best lack conviction,
Given some time to think.
And the worst are full of passion without mercy

Surely some revelation is at hand
Surely it's the second coming
And the wrath has finally taken form
For what is this rough beast?
It's hour come at last
Slouching towards Bethlehem to be born
-Joni Mitchell/W.B. Yeats

The following originally comes from one_hoppy_frood












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